yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
