I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Randomize
