He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
