I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Randomize
