you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
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