After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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