I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize