I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize