Me. At least after what I've been through.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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