OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
She needs sedatives and a leash
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
