I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
