u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
