Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
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