just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
