Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Umm I'm too high to move.
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
