In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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