One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Floor bacon is actually really good
Randomize
