look no pants
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
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