But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
