Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Randomize
