glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
