I smell stomach acid.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
