Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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