I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
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