He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize