Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
