My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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