im so drunk with asians
where?
always
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
