I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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