I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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