Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
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