it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
