that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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