Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
