if only i could text you this smell
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Randomize
