I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
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