And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
