Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
