If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
