The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize