For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I just had sex on a roof
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
The air taste purple.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
