I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
