If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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