i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
