You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
