my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize
