Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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