my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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