I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
