I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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