You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Panties = found
Randomize
