Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
