Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Randomize
