nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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