she woke up with a sticky ear
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
