He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
