I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
