I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
