she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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