I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
