I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
