Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
