i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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