i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I feel like death gave me a hand job
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
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