we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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