Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
