you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
PANTIES FOUND
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