is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize