You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
