i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
