Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
where does the pee come out of this thing
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
