i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
