The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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