she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
