So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
