How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
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